These first two months of 2013 have taken me in unexpected directions, upon roads less traveled, filled with challenges and pitfalls and chasms both deep and wide. Who could have known that the first day of this new year would bring the rending of this mother's heart as I was forced to face my youngest son's addiction and tell him "no more"...no more living under my roof with all of his needs being met...no more being supported by a mother whose resources for her old age were being depleted before her eyes...no more enabling and excusing in the name of being a "good mother". No more.
And so, after two nights on the street in the January cold, he asked for help and I took him to the local shelter, where he could safely sleep and be fed and apply for their substance abuse program. As he turned to the resources of AA, I turned to those of Al-Anon, finding there a mirror in which I could see myself more clearly and honestly, a "family" of sorts where I could be supported as I learned how to reorder my own life on the path to serenity.
The journey to a different kind of life has begun, tentative steps taken. And two months later, as the year turns towards the promise of spring, I am watching my son determinedly moving into a new kind of life, experiencing that fresh newness for myself. Of course, the journey has only begun- and it will be life-long. But each day I give thanks to my Higher Power, the one I call God, for the joys and blessings, for the challenges of that day. Each day, I place my son firmly into the care of the One Who Loves, knowing that the course of his life is out of my hands. Each day, many times a day, I pray the Serenity Prayer as I turn my life over again and again to a Power greater than my own.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know
Just for today- LET IT BE SO.
Just for today.